my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
