So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
