Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
