just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
