he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
