let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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