i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
