I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
