I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
