His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
