Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
