Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
