The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
false alarm, still single
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
