we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
