puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
