Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
