All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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