I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
