Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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