if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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