My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
