you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Randomize
