bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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