we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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