im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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