i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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