cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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