I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
