Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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