R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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