we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
