god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're my little dorito
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
