i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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