You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize