I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
