My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
