Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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