so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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