??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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