I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
