Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
