Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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