So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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