I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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