You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
