I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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