You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize