I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize