I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
