you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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