i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
