is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize