he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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