Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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