sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
