I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
