he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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