Well apparently he's into motor boating.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
