I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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