how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
