I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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