Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
