my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize