Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
