she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just high enough for therapy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
