My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
