Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
