I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
