Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
