YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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