Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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