just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
